Parental Love

Being a parent calls forth the noblest and most unselfish emotions in ordinary people. Rare is the parent who would not sacrifice his or her life for the sake of their child.

Having children is a life-altering experience, calling forth moral strength to end destructive lifestyles and become responsible role models to their children.

Parenting challenges people as nothing else to be sacrificial, patient, forgiving—in short, to develop a love that more closely resembles the love of God.

Parental love is the highest stage in the family school of love. To enter into that stage, couples must have children; it is a duty to love and to their own perfection. Furthermore, parents are responsible for educating their children in the most basic matters of life—what Father Moon calls education in heart and norms.

This education has three aspects, each treated in turn: moral instruction, discipline, and setting an example. Scriptural wisdom regards discipline to be an essential duty of parents when done out of love and concern for their proper growth. Failure to discipline children, on the other hand, is a form of abuse because it leads to rotten character.

A parent’s example, in particular, concerns the parents’ example of faith and devotion to God; it is key to the children developing their faith. Next, parents are guardians, protecting their children from harm.

Anyone who has had a teenage daughter knows of the sleepless nights spent worried about her and thinking about how to keep her safe.

The final group of passages speaks about the heart of parents to unconditionally love their children, forgiving them when they fall short and wanting the very best for them.

The Essential Value of Children

God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.” Genesis 1.28

He who refrains from procreation is as though he impaired the divine image. Genesis Rabbah 34.14 (Judaism)

Lo, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward… Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them! Psalm 127.3-5

Children are the clothes of a man. Yoruba Proverb (African Traditional Religions)

The whole future of the race depends upon its attitude toward children; and a race which specializes in women for “menial purposes” or which believes that the contest of the sexes in the spheres of business and politics is a worthier endeavor than the creation of tomorrow’s generation, is a race which is dying. L. Ron Hubbard, Science of Survival (Scientology)

Teachings of Sun Myung Moon
Once we marry, we should have children. Some may think that it does not matter whether or not we bear children. But that is not the case.

Unless we bear children, we cannot fulfill the will of love. There are four directions of love: east, west, north and south, around the center. When love is centered, its root can spread in all four directions and support the tree. (214:12, February 1, 1991)

Why do we need children? It is to know God’s love, His love as our Parent. We need children to know how to attend [God] as our Parent…

So we should not only give orders to our children, we should attend them and live for them [as God lives for us]. Only then can we comprehend God’s love. We need our children as a textbook. Without children, we are incomplete.

We cannot know God’s love because we cannot know how much God loves human beings, His children. Just as we cannot know the love of a husband or wife unless we become a husband or a wife, we cannot know parental love for children until we become parents.

God created us so that we can learn to love by relating with each other. Hence, if we do not have children, we cannot become true parents. (133:138-39, July 10, 1984)

Mothers and fathers cannot achieve unity without children. Why do parents prefer their children’s love? They cannot help it. Mother and father love each other as they love their children together, not just individually.

It forms a rope of love that binds mother and father into one. A chain made of iron will eventually rust and break, but the rope of love lasts forever. Neither money nor food can bind parents and children. Only love can bind them. (18:329, August 13, 1967)

What is marriage for? It is to establish a family with children. If you do not have children, your relationship may begin to deteriorate. Only after giving birth to children can your family be secure.

Even if a husband might want to divorce his wife out of resentment, if his wife gives him a son, he cannot easily divorce. He feels committed to keep his family intact. For the sake of our families, we should have children. (23:25, May 11, 1969)

You should love your children more than you love your spouse. (130:163, January 8, 1984)

If you women are asked, “Who do you like better, your husband or your children?” the correct answer should be, “My children.”

You can divorce your husband, but you cannot separate from your children. Even if you were to disown them and have their names removed from the record of your family tree, you would still be connected to them in lineage.

After divorcing your husband, you might forget him. Yet if you were separated from your children, as time goes by you would miss them more and more. Anyone who has children can understand this. (18:112, May 28, 1967)

Parents want their children to be better than themselves. No parent wants his children to be inferior to him. A good-looking man and a beautiful woman married each other and bore a homely child.

Yet if you say to them, “Your child is better looking than you are,” they are happy. It is true. No parent would take offense at that statement. (77:102, April 1, 1975)

True Mother gave birth to thirteen children. She once remarked, “Nothing in the world has given me more pleasure than giving birth to my babies and nursing them at my breast. Now that I have grown old, I look back on those times as the most pleasurable of my life.” (44:199, May 7, 1971)

There is no multiplication in the spirit world. The multiplication of children happens only on Earth. The Earth is the only place where the citizens of the Heavenly Kingdom can be multiplied. That is why on earth, you should give birth to many children, centering on God’s true love. (218:200, July 28, 1991)

Raising Children with Firmness and Love

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22.6

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6.4

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 13.24

You can only coil a fish when it is fresh. Nupe Proverb (African Traditional Religions)

What son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers to discipline us and we respected them… For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12.7-11

A child picks up earth, dirty things, tiles, stones, old bones, pieces of wood and puts them into his mouth, at which the father and mother, apprehensive of the harms that might arise thereby, take the child with the left hand and with the right take these out… For the father and mother of an only son, in sleep or while awake, or while walking, standing, sitting or reclining, their minds always think of the son. If he does wrong, they give kindly advice and lead the boy that he does not do evil anymore. Mahaparinirvana Sutra 471 (Buddhism)

As the child, according to its natural disposition, commits thousands of faults, the father instructs and slights, but again hugs him to his bosom. Adi Granth, Sorath, M.5 (Sikhism)

[The prodigal son] arose and came to his father. But while he was yet at a distance, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” But the father said to his servants, “Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet; and bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and make merry; for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.” Luke 15.20-24

A daughter keeps her father secretly wakeful, and worry over her robs him of sleep; when she is young, lest she do not marry, or if married, lest she be hated; while a virgin, lest she be defiled or become pregnant in her father’s house; or having a husband, lest she prove unfaithful, or, though married, lest she be barren. Ecclesiasticus 42.9-10 (Christianity)

Teachings of Sun Myung Moon
Children do not like it if you criticize them repeatedly. Rather, they are happy if you accept and praise them even when they do wrong. Immature children need to be appeased in this way, to encourage them with praise.

Nevertheless, children are self-centered. When they see something they like, they want to have it right away. Therefore, they need education. (36:73, November 15, 1970)

Sometimes parents push their children hard, and even spank them on occasion, but it is for their sake. Then after pushing them like that, the father and mother pray for their children in tears, unable to sleep at night. That is true love. (102:253-54, January 14, 1979)

Do you know what true parental love is? A true parent never thinks, “Now I am investing in my children’s future, but someday I will receive it all back with interest.”

Parental love is to sacrifice day and night in loving their children, giving and giving more without ceasing.

Thus, a mother keeps her children in mind even when she goes to the market, thinking that she would like to buy something more for them. That sort of parental love is close to the original love that God implanted in us. Because love has this origin, there is a basis to save humankind. (142:35, March 3, 1986)

Parents want to give their child the most valuable thing they own. Nevertheless, as long as the child is unable to manage it properly, they cannot give it. Were they to receive it when they were not ready, it could harm them. For example, a sharp knife is dangerous for a child, and no parent lets his child play with one, no matter how much he wants it. (29:108, February 25, 1970)

There is a Korean proverb, “Give a piece of cake to a person you hate, but a spank to the one you love.” It makes sense. When our parents scold us, we need to understand their loving heart, and when they hit us with a rod, we need to feel the pain they are going through and shed tears with them. Then we can inherit the proper tradition to continue in the next generation. (95:81, October 23, 1977)

Parents who raise their fists and strike their children in anger should immediately repent. The mother who does not hit her children, but rather sheds tears of compassion and love, is a more effective parent.

The mother who disciplines this way will never be dominated by her children. She will always be successful at inducing her children to submit to her guidance. Were she to hit them, she would get poorer results. (41:332, February 18, 1971)

You and your spouse should never fight in front of your children. Never. Promise that you will never do it. This is the case in my own family. Because my wife and I have kept that promise, our children grew up secure in the belief that their parents never quarrel and love each other more than any other parents in the world.

Thus you should educate your children, that they can regard their parents as their source of hope… If you have a son, he should say, “I want to become like my Dad.” Your daughter should say, “I want to become like my Mom.” That is the right way to educate them. (90:123, October 21, 1976)

Parents can give a general direction to their children and let them solve the detailed problems by themselves. I was a self-supporting student.

Tigers let their cubs experience severe trials and harsh discipline to rear them to be the kings of the mountain by developing their wild nature. Iron gets stronger by heating. This is an important lesson to think about when educating children. (Blessing and Ideal Family 7.5.5)

No matter how painful a situation your children put you through, when they come to you with tears in their eyes and ask your forgiveness, you must forget all the bad memories and once again put on a happy face. (23:182, May 18, 1969)

What is the essence of love?

It is living for others. It is giving what we have to others. Where does love originate? It originates from God. Since God is the Subject of absolute love, He desires to give. That is the essence of His love.

When viewed from this perspective, parental love is closest to the essence of love. Parental love always strives to give.

Although a child turns to wickedness and refuses to listen to his parents, if the parents continue to love him even more than before, the child will repent. Were the parent to reproach the child, saying, “You still don’t recognize my love for you, even though I have invested so much for you that my back is bent!” and strike him with a stick, after three times, the child would pack and run away.

However, if the parent weeps in front of the child, saying, “Your problems are all because I could not love you enough. It is my fault for not loving you more,” and showers him with still more love, the child’s heart will melt and he will return to the parent. A greater love has the subjective ability to embrace and digest a lesser love. (48:182-83, September 12, 1971)

According to spiritual law, the worst crime is for a parent to neglect or abuse his or her children, driving them into the dungeons of hell. There is no forgiveness for such acts…

God could never treat His children that way, so He cannot forgive those who do. On the other hand, God is moved to see parents who are willing and ready to die for their children. He will say, “You resemble Me; that is the way I have been living, sacrificing everything for My children.” Thus, parents who would die for their children can enter heaven. (93:335, June 17, 1977)

Educating Children in Their Parents’ Tradition

The Lord said, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do, seeing that Abraham shall become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall bless themselves by him? No, for I have chosen him, that he may charge his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice; so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.” Genesis 18.17-20

And remember when Luqman said to his son by way of instruction, “O my dear son! Establish worship and enjoin kindness and forbid iniquity, and persevere, whatever may befall you. Lo! That is the steadfast heart of things.” Qur’an 31.17

What any man should provide for his children as a legacy is learning. Other things are not real wealth. Naladiyar 134 (Jainism)

You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign upon your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. And you shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 11.18-19

My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Bind them upon your heart always; tie them about your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you. For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life. Proverbs 6.20 23

One should not promise a child to give him something and then not give it to him, because he will thereby teach the child to tell lies. Talmud, Sukkah 46b (Judaism)

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you. Timothy 1.5

Teachings of Sun Myung Moon
Bequeath to your children a good tradition that they will continue to follow throughout their lives. (71:19, March 24, 1974)

Parents usually tell their children, “You should become this or that kind of person, and you should do this or that kind of work.” But it is far better to tell them, “You should be a person who knows God.” (11:308, March 5, 1962)

The family is the school of love; it is the most important school in life. The family is where children cultivate the depth and breadth of their heart (shimjeong) by receiving an education in love and emotion that only parents can provide. This becomes the foundation stone for building the children’s character.

The family is also the school teaching virtues, norms and manners. It is the way of Heaven that academic education, physical education and technical education should be given on the foundation of this primary education of heart and norm.

Parents should be true parents, showering their children with true love. At the same time they should also be true teachers, properly educating their children in heart and moral norms. Though some parents may not be aware their role as teachers, their children still learn from them by imitation.

The role of parents is that important. Children develop their character of love and their spiritual nature when they are nurtured by their parents’ true love and when they emulate their parents’ lives of love. (271:80-81, August 22, 1995)

A father should be his child’s best friend. When he comes home, his child should run to him, even if he was playing with a friend. A father should become his child’s best teacher. And he should be the center of heart. (57:282, June 4, 1972)

As parents you should set the right example by your devoted service to God’s Will, and in your daily life of faith and service… By doing so, you are raising children who will respect their parents and not talk back to them, and who will honor their parents by obeying whatever you ask them to do. (31:268, June 4, 1970)

Even a father who lives a life of crime does not tell his children, “I am a robber and a murderer, and you should follow in my footsteps.” No, however evil they may be, parents do not teach their children to be evil.

When parents say to their children, “At least you should not be bad,” it implies that they themselves were bad; when they say, “At least you should do well,” it means they themselves did not do well.

It is right that parents invest everything completely for their children; that way they can leave a legacy behind. This is an age-old principle of education. It would be even better if the parents left such an excellent legacy that it should be bequeathed to the society and to the world.

If parents act like that, no one will say they are bad parents. A while ago, I read that some parents left their children in an orphanage to travel around the world.

That kind of neglect causes children to become bad. If the parents are always with their children, watching over them and correcting them, they will not become bad. (36:73, November 15, 1970)

Do you want to be blessed? Do you want to live eternally?

Then, you should become a public person. When educating your children, do not love them only as your own children.

Love them with the heart to offer them for the people of the world. When nursing your child in your bosom, consider yourself the representative of all mothers on this planet, and regard your baby as the representative of all humankind.

Do not nurse your baby with the heart to love only your child. Rather, be a mother who loves other babies as if they were also yours. Babies nourished with the milk of such a mother will become great people.

And if your children do not attain such greatness, it will be a descendant one or two generations later who turns out to be someone who can lead the world. This is a formula. (31:168, 700524)

When you die, there are three things you should leave behind: First, that you lived by the path of the Principle, following God’s Will.

Second, that you raised good offspring. Third, that you imparted education to your children that will enable them to achieve greatness in the world. (101:200, October 30, 1978)