The family is the basic form of life. Its relations constitute the environment where people are reared, molding their character, values, and identities.
People sometimes try to set up alternatives to the traditional family, but these fail to persist beyond one or two generations.
There is a “form” to the family; not in the sense of a precise set of roles, but rather a general principle that even single-parent families, childless families, and families blended with stepparents and other relations take after as best they can. What is the “form” of the family?
Outwardly, it consists of the pattern of relationships linking parents and children, husband and wife, and siblings; inwardly, it is the true, godly love that governs these relationships.
There is another sense in which the family is the basic form of life: it is the “textbook” for relationships in the larger society. Good family relations are productive of good citizens, who apply the lessons of relating with elders, same-age, and younger family members to their relations with superiors, peers, and subordinates.
Father Moon teaches extensively about both aspects of the family’s form. He characterizes its structural pattern as the “four-position foundation,” a notable teaching because it brings God into the family as a veritable member. He also describes the family spatially as extending in six directions.
In either case, the form is spherical and characterized by equality of all positions. This is possible when the dynamic in all the family relations is true love.
Each family member lives for the sake of the others, creating a virtuous circle of giving that generates energy and equalizes all. Such families are the building blocks of virtuous societies.
Sun Myung Moon
The Family Ideal
He who loves his wife as himself; who honors her more than himself; who rears his children in the right path, and who marries them off at the proper time of their life, concerning him it is written: “And you will know that your home is at peace.”
Talmud, Yebamot 62 (Judaism)
Supporting one’s father and mother, cherishing wife and children and a peaceful occupation; this is the greatest blessing. Sutta Nipata 262 (Buddhism)
There are five relations of utmost importance under Heaven… between prince and minister; between father and son; between husband and wife; between elder and younger brothers; and between friends.1 Doctrine of the Mean 20.8 (Confucianism)
What are “the things which men consider right”? Kindness on the part of the father, and filial duty on that of the son; gentleness on the part of the elder brother, and obedience on that of the younger; righteousness on the part of the husband, and submission on that of the wife; kindness on the part of elders, and deference on that of juniors; with benevolence on the part of the ruler, and loyalty on that of the minister; —these ten are the things which men consider to be right. Book of Ritual 7.2.19 (Confucianism)
May in this family discipline overcome indiscipline, peace discord, charity miserliness, devotion arrogance, the truth-spoken word the false spoken word which destroys the holy order. Avesta, Yasna 60.5 (Zoroastrianism)
Natural mildness should be there in the family. Observance of the vows leads to mildness… The right belief should be amongst family members. Crookedness and deception cause unhappiness in the family.
Straightforwardness and honesty in one’s body, speech, and mental activities lead the family to an auspicious path. Purity, reverence, ceaseless pursuit of knowledge, charity, removal of obstacles that threaten equanimity, and service to others—these make the family happy. Tattvarthasutra 6.18-24 (Jainism)
When father, mother, sons, elder and younger brothers all act in a manner suited to their various positions within the family, when husbands play their proper role and wives are truly wifely, the way of that family runs straight. It is by the proper regulation of each family that the whole world is stabilized. I Ching 37 (Confucianism)
The union of hearts and minds and freedom from hate I’ll bring you. Love one another as the cow loves the calf that she has borne. Let son be loyal to father and of one mind with his mother; let wife speak to husband words that are honey-sweet and gentle. Let not a brother hate a brother, nor a sister hate a sister; unanimous, united in aims, speak you words with friendliness. I will make the prayer for that concord among men at home by which the gods do not separate, nor ever hate one another. Be not parted—growing old, taking thought, thriving together, moving under a common yoke, come speaking sweetly to one another; I’ll make you have one aim and be of one mind. Common be your water store, common your share of food; I bind you together to a common yoke. United, gather round the sacrificial fire like spokes around the nave of a wheel. With your common desire, I’ll make you all have one aim, be of one mind, following one leader, like the gods who preserve their immortality. Morn and eve may there be the loving heart in you.2 Atharva Veda 3.30 (Hinduism)
Sun Myung Moon
Teachings of Sun Myung Moon
Human beings have a basic need to feel and connect with each other. For this, we need wives and husbands; we need young people and old people. This is why, regardless of the world’s opinion, we have worked to establish the family as a universal form. (21:120, November 17, 1968)
A family should have both a father and a mother and both sons and daughters. Only then can it be the complete foundation for happiness… when all the varieties of heart are present in the family. (32:197, July 15, 1970)
Neither men nor women were created for their own sakes, but for the sake of their partners of the opposite sex. Let us say that there is a beautiful woman who hates men. Yet when you look at her figure, it is clear that God gave her beauty for the sake of a man. God designed each sex to live for the sake of its opposite.
Likewise, when parents live for the sake of the children and the children for the sake of the parents, taking good care of each other, they revolve around each other. The more they live for each other, the faster they revolve.
This is the ideal form—not a square, but round and three-dimensional. Each adds to the other’s energy; hence the more we live for each other the faster our circular motion becomes. The family forms a sphere and can continue that way for eternity. (69:83- 84, October 20, 1973)
The family is the smallest unit where we can practice and perfect the Four Great Loves—the Four Great Hearts: true parental love, true brotherly and sisterly love, true conjugal love, and true filial love.
A true family is the foundation of its members’ true love and true happiness. It is where true life and true lineage sprouts. A true family is the training ground and school to achieve true love and true character. (294:65-66, June 11, 1998)
God’s love abides where parents, husband and wife, and children are united in love. Where these three kinds of love come together, God dwells absolutely and for eternity. This family is God’s dwelling place. Wherever there is unchanging parental love, unchanging conjugal love, and unchanging children’s love, God is always present. (131:112, April 22, 1984)
What is an ideal family? Some might say, “It is a family whose members all trust each other.” Some might say, “It is a family whose members know each other well.” These descriptions fall short.
An ideal family is a family whose members are connected with an inseparable bond of heart. It is a family whose members feel each other’s pain as their own, or even more deeply than their own pain. Hence they willingly sacrifice themselves to carry the others’ burden. Such a family can be called an ideal family. (228:46, March 3, 1992)
Human beings are born from love and should walk the path of love. Even at the point of death, they should die for love. From this perspective, love is more valuable than life itself; it even precedes life. That is why people willingly give their lives for love. Love is eternal.
Eternal, unchanging love is celebrated in poetry, novels, and great literature. These prompt us to desire eternal and unchanging love, not momentary love. A newborn baby automatically searches for its mother’s breast, following the vibrations of her love.
The infant does not care whether she is beautiful or ugly; all that matters is that she is its mother. An infant nursing at its mother’s breast is a sacred scene, manifested in limitless variety.
Thus, we are born from love, and we grow by receiving love. Each of us is the fruit of our parents’ love and the manifestation of their love. Our parents love us because we are the fruit of their love.
Parental love can expand infinitely, producing innumerable fruits. It is the starting point on the road to individual love, family love, love for the tribe, love of country, love for the world, love for the universe, and love for God. After we are born, our parents take responsibility to raise us to become good people for our sojourn on earth.
Our parents provide for us and teach us, acting not only on behalf of the family but also on behalf of the nation and the world. They provide us with physical sustenance and education until we reach the age of individual maturity.
That is when we should link to the horizontal foundation of love, which is marriage. Parents take care of us until we marry. In marriage, we inherit the love our mother and father have shared in their life together.
When we give birth to our own children and start rearing them, we finally begin to understand how much our parents loved us, and thus we inherit parental love.
Through this process, we develop into people who can fully give and receive love. This is how each of us matures as a perfected man or woman. From infancy to the time of maturity, we grow in the love of our parents—a vertical love.
Then the time comes to experience conjugal love—a mutual, horizontal love. In this way we enter the integrated realm of love. Heaven and earth together form a spherical world, covering all the dimensions of top and bottom, left and right, and front and back.
When the vertical and horizontal love relationships are linked, they interact, revolve, become integrated, and finally merge into a single center of harmony. The vertical axis of love links Heaven and Earth.
Once it is firmly secured, there arises the need for horizontal love. This takes place during adolescence. (298:298, March 19, 1999)
When a husband and wife truly love each other and build a family, it symbolizes the planting of God. In the original world, the parents represent God, with husband and wife each embodying a different side of God. Each of their sons and daughters represents another small God.
Since God is the original entity of true love, by embodying true love each member of the family becomes one with God. Parents are the living embodiments of God and thus represent Him [to their children]. Husband and wife each represent God [to each other], and the children represent Him as well.
Thus three generations, centering on true love, are at the level of God. This is why all the family members—parents, husbands and wives, and children—need true love. A family formed in this way, centering on true love, is the foundation for the Kingdom of Heaven.
Unless we first make such a foundation, the Kingdom of Heaven can never be established. This is the formula… God, the Parent of the entire universe, abides in the center of these manifold relationships of love. (298:307, March 19, 1999)
Sun Myung Moon
The Family as the School of Love and Virtue
Lord, give us joy in our wives and children, and make us models for the God-fearing. Qur’an 25.74
The moral life of man may be likened to traveling to a distant place: one must start from the stage. It may also be likened to ascending a height [of public responsibility]: one must begin from the lowest step [one’s family]. Doctrine of the Mean 15.2 (Confucianism)
If a man does not know how to manage his own household, how can he care for God’s church? 1 Timothy 3.5
What is meant by saying that “in order to establish moral order in his state, one must first guide his family properly” is this: One cannot convince others of what he cannot convince the members of his own family.
Therefore the wise governor does not need to go beyond his family in order to find the principles needed for governing his state. Here he finds his own son’s respectful obedience to his father, with which a governor should be served; affection for one’s relatives, with which higher officials should be treated; and paternal kindness, with which all people should be regarded. Great Learning 9.1 (Confucianism)
When the family declines, ancient traditions are destroyed. With them are lost the spiritual foundations for life, and the family loses its sense of unity. Where there is no sense of unity, the women of the family become corrupt, and with the corruption of its women, society is plunged into chaos. Social chaos is hell for the family and for those who have destroyed the family as well. Bhagavad-Gita 1.40-41 (Hinduism)
Sun Myung Moon
Teachings of Sun Myung Moon
The family is the most important school in human life, for it is the school of love. (271:80, August 22, 1995)
The family is the training ground of the heart. You are trained in brotherly and sisterly love, so treat your classmates in school with that same heart and your fellow citizens in the nation with that same heart. Hence, the education your parents give you to be loving brothers and sisters is for the sake of the school, the community, and the nation.
Parents should bequeath their heart and sensibility to their children and descendants. As parents you are role models, but this involves more than teaching by example. By your love you are laying the emotional foundation for your children, so that they are able to live for the family, the community and the nation. (180:131, August 22, 1988)
The ideal family is a school; it is also a textbook. The husband and wife are its joint authors. When their children can live by the lessons from that textbook, they can make it anywhere in the world. This is a formula. (131:112, April 22, 1984)
The family is the textbook for attaining the Kingdom of Heaven. God prepared it for human beings as an instruction manual for connecting with Him.
If you take its lessons and apply them to the nation, you become patriots; apply them to the world and you become saints; apply them to heaven and earth and you become the divine sons and daughters of God. (137:78, December 18, 1985)
Morals are the universal virtues acquired by training in the family. The Chinese character for virtue (德) contains the character 十, ten, with the shape of a cross whose vertical and horizontal lines symbolize heaven and earth—hence the entire universe, as well as man and woman, two beings. Nex,t it has the character 四, four, which represents the four-position foundation; then 一, one, and 心, mind or heart. It means that virtues (德) are established when the four (四) parties of the four-position foundation of heaven and earth (十) become one (一) in heart (心). Since the character 十 means ten and also two, it symbolizes twelve entities: grandfather, grandmother, husband, wife, son and daughter, six people each composed of mind and body. When these twelve become one, they indicate virtue. (375:59, April 13, 2002)
All around the world today, the family is changing, and the traditional family structure is being challenged in many ways. With increasing industrialization and modernization, humanity’s value systems are crumbling, and our standards of ethics and morality are in flux.
In addition, selfish individualism, hedonism, and the worship of money are robbing us of our humanity, and increasingly free sex and immorality are furthering the destruction of the family.
How tragic it is that we are faced with such trends! If nothing is done, in the future, humanity will not have any hope. No matter how social conditions may change, the importance of the relationship between parents and children is unshakable.
The value of the family does not change. I repeat— love is the source of people’s happiness and joy, and the family is the foundation for happiness and peace. (271:80-81, August 22, 1995)
These days, when we prevent families from breaking down and teenagers from falling, we liberate God’s sorrowful heart.
It brings God the happiness that He could not experience in the Garden of Eden, where He could not intervene [to stop the Fall]. (305:273, August 21, 1998)
Sun Myung Moon
A Complete Family Has a Spherical Form
Thus I have heard, the Buddha was once staying near Rajagaha in the Bamboo Wood at the Squirrels’ Feeding Ground. Now at this time young Sigala, a householder’s son, rising betimes, went forth from Rajagaha, and with wet hair and wet garments and clasped hands uplifted, paid worship to the several quarters of the earth and sky: to the east, south, west, and north, to the nadir and the zenith. And the Exalted One early that morning dressed himself, took bowl and robe and entered Rajagaha seeking alms. Now he saw young Sigala worshipping and spoke to him thus, “Why, young householder, do you worship the several quarters of earth and sky?” “Sir, my father, when he was dying, said to me: ‘Dear son, you should worship the quarters of the earth and sky.’ So I, sir, honoring my father’s word, rise and worship in this way.” “But in the religion of an educated man, the six quarters should not be worshipped thus.” “How then, sir, in the religion of an educated man, should the six quarters be worshipped? It would be an excellent thing if the Exalted One would so teach me the correct way…” “How, O young householder, does the educated man serve the six quarters? The following should be looked upon as the six quarters: parents as the east, teachers as the south, wife and children as the west, friends and companions as the north, servants as the nadir, and religious leaders as the zenith. “In five ways should a child minister to his parents as the eastern quarter: ‘Once supported by them, I will now be their support; I will perform duties incumbent on them; I will keep up the lineage and tradition of my family; I will make myself worthy of my heritage.’ “In five ways parents thus ministered to, as the eastern quarter, by their child, show their love for him: They restrain him from vice, they exhort him to virtue, they train him to a profession, they contract a suitable marriage for him, and in due time they hand over to him his inheritance. Thus is the eastern quarter protected by him and made safe and secure. “In five ways should pupils minister to their teachers as the southern quarter: by respectfully greeting them, by waiting upon them, by eagerness to learn, by personal service, and by attentiveness to their teaching. “In five ways do teachers, thus ministered to as the southern quarter by their pupils, love their pupil: They train him in what they have been trained; they make him hold fast to moral precepts; they thoroughly instruct him in the lore of every subject; they speak well of him among his friends and companions; they counsel him for his safety and benefit. Thus is the southern quarter protected by him and made safe and secure. “In five ways should a wife as western quarter be ministered to by her husband: by respect, by courtesy, by faithfulness, by handing over authority to her, by providing her with adornment. “In five ways does the wife, ministered to by her husband as the western quarter, love him: Her duties are well performed, she is hospitable to their relatives, she is faithful, she watches over the wages and goods which he brings home, she discharges all her business with skill and industry. Thus is the western quarter protected by him and made safe and secure. “In five ways should one minister to his friends and companions as the northern quarter: by generosity, courtesy, and benevolence, by treating them as he treats himself, and by being as good as his word. “In five ways do his friends and familiars, thus ministered to as the northern quarter, love him: They protect him when he is off his guard, and on occasions guard his property; they become a refuge in danger; they do not forsake him in his troubles; and they show consideration for his family. Thus is the northern quarter protected by him and made safe and secure. “In five ways does a noble master minister to his servants and employees as the nadir: by assigning them work according to their strength, by supplying them with food and wages, by tending them in sickness, by sharing with them unusual delicacies, by granting them leave at times. “In five ways, thus ministered to by their master, do servants and employees love him: They rise before him, they lie down to rest after him, they are content with their wages, they do their work well, and they carry about his praise and good fame. Thus is the nadir by him protected and made safe and secure. “In five ways should the layman minister to saints, priests, and religious leaders as the zenith: by affection in act and speech and mind, by keeping open house to them, and by supplying their temporal needs. “Ministered to as the zenith, monks, priests, and religious leaders show their love for the layman in six ways: They restrain him from evil, they exhort him to good, they love him with kindly thoughts, they teach him what he has not heard, they correct and purify what he has heard, they reveal to him the way of heaven. Thus by him is the zenith protected and made safe and secure.” Digha Nikaya 3.185-91, Sigalovada Sutta (Buddhism)
Sun Myung Moon
Teachings of Sun Myung Moon
To exist in the spatial dimension, human beings need to stand in relation to what is above and below, right and left, front and back…
Centering on the individual, in the family there are parents and children, husband and wife, and brothers and sisters. Similarly, in the nation, centering on the leader, families should embrace all the civilizations of East and West and all the civilizations of North and South.
Then they can embrace all people of the world as brothers and sisters. Ultimately, we will form a global family at every level. Thus, the core concept of the universe is the concept of the family. Heaven represents parents. Earth represents children. East symbolizes man, West symbolizes woman.
That is why, when a woman gets married, she usually follows wherever her husband goes. Nevertheless, they have equal value—when the west reflects the sunlight, it has the same value as the east.
The relationship of brothers is the same. When the older brother works on some task, the younger brothers naturally help him. Therefore, human beings should exist within relationships of parents and children, husband and wife, and elder and younger siblings. And these three relationships meet at one central point.
There can be only one center. Above and below, right and left, and front and back should not have different centers.
If the central point is different, then the balance of the relationships between above and below, right and left, and front and back will be broken.
Eventually, above, below, right, left, front, back and the central point all together comprise seven positions. In a harmonious and unified family these seven form a perfect sphere; they constitute a God-centered family with all elements united in perfect true love. (True Family and World Peace, June 16, 1997)
An ideal family is one whose family members are united as one centered on their parents and in attendance to God. Conjugal love is a horizontal relationship; therefore, a husband and wife should align their love on the vertical axis of God’s love.
God is the owner of parental love, children’s love, husband’s love, and wife’s love. God’s love is the ideal love. Since God is the subject of love, if we become one with God, we can always embody God’s love.
Then we can create an ideal family that will never break apart for eternity. It is logical. Parental love is focused on children and children’s love is connected to parents.
A husband’s love is connected to his wife, and a wife’s love is connected to her husband. These different types of love cannot become one by themselves. The subjective force that can unify them is God’s love.
Once the subject dwells in them, they all automatically become one. Conversely, without God, human love is self-centered and cannot bring unity. Although the family members have diverse relationships with each other, when they are united in love, they are equally close to one another.
Hence, there is equality among them. Why? They participate in a unified entity with a spherical form. The cause and result become one, and the vertical and the horizontal become one; God and the family members become one. In the world that runs on the power of love, there is nothing but love.
Whatever they do, there is nothing but love. Such is the ideal world. When families on earth reach that state, they create the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. This is the ideal of God.
Based on this principle, I teach you to respect your parents as God. Husbands should respect their wives as God, and wives should regard their husbands as God. Parents should value their children as God.
Likewise, you should experience God as your Parent, your Wife, your Husband, and your child. This is the path to the Kingdom of God. (89:154-55, November 7, 1976)
Why does a wife weep when her husband dies?
Why are people sorrowful if they have no sons or daughters? The fundamental principle of the universe is that we have to possess all the directions of the compass.
Ideal relationships generate the very power that enables the universe to exist.
Therefore, everything engages in give and take. The North Pole and the South Pole engage in give and take; the stars have give and take with each other. In sum, everything exists in relationship to a counterpart.
The ideal for any existing being is to engage in complete give and take, and thereby gain the support of the universe. We say that it has the support of ‘heavenly fortune.’ This is the universe’s supporting power that surrounds the existing being and maintains its existence forever.
All existence cooperates with it. Therefore, it will not do if a family has no children. These days in the West, many people think that children are unnecessary. But just let them wait until they go to the spirit world; then they will see whether what I say is true.
Wherever a person stands, there is always an above (parents) and a below (children). Everyone needs to pass through the number 3, that is, through these three stages (70:76-77, February 8, 1974)
The family is the smallest unit that connects the past, the present and the future. A family is like a microcosm of the world. Within it the past, the present and the future are linked together—this refers to the interdependence of grandfather, father and son.
When a son has children and becomes a father, at the same moment, the father becomes a grandfather. These three generations—representing the past, the present and the future—should be united as one.
Such a family can establish a base for lasting happiness. It has the power to repulse Satan’s attacks, regardless of the turmoil in the world. (28:162, January 11, 1970)
Sun Myung Moon