Father walks a strict path of indemnity.
In his search for the Principle, Father realized that every Principle applies to him first and foremost.
One day, we members went to the Bagun peak in Bukhan mountain with Father.
While there, Father drew a circle around him with the cane he brought. Then he said, "Even a Teacher can’t set one foot outside of this boundary called indemnity."
I was young back then and I didn’t know what Father was talking about. However, after many years had passed, I began to understand that ‘ Father walks in front of us in the unforgiving course of indemnity.’
I want to introduce to you an excerpt of Father’s Words regarding this.
“The indemnity needed to become the Messiah is not an easy conditional indemnity.
It is a one-on-one unforgiving, thorough indemnity. The Messiah has to pay even more indemnity than his fair share.
Then what did I center on when I embarked on the journey during indemnity? I started centering on God’s shimjeong. God’s shimjeong is both mystifying and scary. As the indemnity is paid centering on God’s shimjeong, the stepping stone in the beginning could be small and it’s still bearable.
No matter how grand and international something could be, it needs to start from a point and work its way up to become international. When we look at something centering on shimjeong, a condition for indemnity could be made possible because that one point can be infinitely large. Otherwise, the eternal world will never change following the changes in our internal movements.
In other words, the external world of hyungsang will slowly start to crumble when the internal movement of sungsang stands on a firm standard. Then, the signs of hyungsang begin to appear on this Earth. Also, the sovereignty of the old world begins to crumble as well. That is why Communism is in decline." (Fathers Words in Japan in 1967)
This one-on-one indemnity is also explained in the Old Testament. In the Old Testament, people were to give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth. (Exodus 21:23~25)
Our ancestors had to walk a difficult course of painful indemnity for five thousand years in order to receive the Lord sent to this nation by God. Also, the clansmen of Moon had to walk the unimaginable torment of an indemnity course to allow the birth of our Father in a Moon family.
Father recently said, "Since I’ 've sacrificed one daughter and three sons, I have made enough sacrifices to be made." Father’s second daughter, Hye Jin Nim, passed away only eight days after her birth. Father said that Hye Jin Nim was offered as a sacrifice that represents the entire realm of Eve. Mother shed many years back then. However, Father never shed a single tear and he never expressed his sorrow outwardly.
Then, Hee Jin Nim passed away when he died in an accident, falling from a train while on his way to a witnessing mission. Father, even then, never shed a tear and only talked about other subjects than the members. Father never expressed his sorrow.
Next, Heung Jin Nim died in a car accident in America. I was serving Father at that time. Father never cried. Rather, he spent his days with an expression of a faint smile. Mother was tremendously sad. Father told her "Heung Jin Nim is being offered to heaven in place of his father. If you are sad, he can’t be offered as a sacrifice. Please don’t be sad." Then Father comforted her heart by saying "Mother is going through so many difficulties because she married me, a man with a difficult life."
Fourth, Young Jin Nim died in a tragic accident in America. His body was brought to Korea for the funeral and I was beside True Parents when they lowered the casket into the ground. Mother did not show any expression of sorrow. Young Jin Nim was Young Jin Nim’s next younger brother and the two of them were so close.
They played around as if they were twins, and Hyung Jin Nim looked sad but he also did not cry. I was serving True Parents while thinking, ‘ Oh, Young Jin Nim is truly gone!" and before leaving the grave after putting all the dirt, Father smiled and said "Young Jin! Goodbye!"
I was so surprised. Seeing Father never lose his smile like that, I thought to ask him when I had the chance. The next day, I served Father his breakfast and asked him "I saw that you smiled at the end when you were sending off Young Jin Nim."
Then Father said "Yes. I sent Young Jin with the heart of sending a daughter off to her marriage."
Folks, what do you think the heart of parents who send their daughter off to her marriage is like? We will feel sad about sending away our daughter to another house but in the end, would we not say ‘ You go there and live a good life!’? So we keep our smile on and send our child away with hope. Father’s expression was exactly that. I thought ‘ Father is different from regular people. The Messiah must walk the unforgiving and thorough course of indemnity like this."
Father said "I’ 've offered to heaven my four children as the sacrifices that represent the first Adam(Hee Jin Nim), the second Adam(Heung Jin Nim), the third Adam(Young Jin Nim), and Eve(Hye Jin Nim). I’ve made all the needed sacrifices." I felt even more that ‘ Oh, The indemnity for Messiah is so harsh.’
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The relationship between fallen human beings and the Messiah
‘ Indemnification’ means ‘ paying back one’s debt.’ ‘ Sin’ holds the same meaning as debt so ‘ indemnifying’sins means that you are cleansing yourself of your sins.
‘ Restoration’ means that the humanity that has fallen to the Satanic world due to the Fall is ‘ returning to its original position after cleansing themselves of their sins.’ These two concepts join to form the Restoration through Indemnification.
We can’t avoid this course since the Messiah has also walked this course. The only difference between us and the Messiah is that we can walk this course with fewer hardships thanks to the great indemnification made by the Messiah during his entire life course.
According to Father, the relationship between the fallen humanity and the Messiah is similar to a fly that rests on the shoulder of a Korean who travels from his country to America by plane. Doesn’t the fly only have to remain seated on the man’s shoulder to arrive in America? Father said that that is the relationship between the messiah and the fallen humanity, and that is also the difference between the messiah and the fallen humanity.
Father also compared the relationship between the Messiah and the fallen humanity to a mother carrying her baby across a mountain infested with tigers. Mother is the Messiah and the baby is us the fallen humanity. The mother will be able to safely traverse through the mountain only if the baby sleeps quietly. If the baby cries, tigers will come and devour both the mother and the baby. Therefore, we must not make any noise as we follow the Messiah.
That is the noise of complaint. Therefore, no matter how much result we may gain under our belt, we must not complain. Our complaints enable Satan to accuse us. Father explained the relationship between the Messiah and the fallen humanity using these two examples.
Do not criticize providential central figures when lecturing the Principle.
The Principle of Restoration is not a story that belongs to other people. Everything that happened in the course of Adam’s family, Noah’s family, Abraham’s family, Jacob’s family, and Moses’ family is also being repeated in our everyday lives and our lives as a whole. God picked his central figure to do special missions whenever his principle of restoration was moved to the following stage. As these are a type of model course spearheaded by our ancestors, we are following their courses without even knowing about them.
I often tell lecturers that they should not give lectures with the heart of criticizing the central figures. What I tell them if they really can’t help but feel pitiful for the failures of their ancestors in the course of restoration, is to think in the position of Adam, think if you were able to overcome the obstacle wisely if you were put in the same position. We must give lectures with the heart ‘ Yes! I will fulfill the works that Adam or Noah was not able to do!’ We must not give lectures to students with a judgmental heart, criticizing the mistakes made by our ancestors.
As there is an adage, ‘ Ghosts come to those who speak their name,’ Noah comes to the lecturers who give lectures about him. Noah will come, listen to the lecture, and think.
‘ OK, we did our best while we knew nothing about the Principle and when Parents weren’t t alive with us. Unlike us, you know the Principle and you serve True Parents while they are alive, so you must do better than us. We’ll be watching you.’
Father said that in the spirit world, there is Adam’s spirit world, Noah’s spirit world, and Abraham’s spirit world exist separately from each other. When we die and go to the spirit world, we must pass through the spirit world of The Old Testament, then Jesus’spirit world of The New Testament, and then to the True Parents world of The Completed Testament. Here, they will listen to our stories and won’t let us go if they can find a condition to accuse us. If they don’t let us through, we can’t go to Father’s spirit world.
We must sympathize with their mistakes and try to comfort their heart by telling them that we will carry on the work that they left behind. Then they will be happy and cooperate with us.
Father told us, that when we see news of all sorts of different crimes being committed, we must not think that such crimes belong to the perpetrators alone but we are also connected to them through our common ancestors, and sympathize with such people instead of having the heart of criticizing them.
The principle of restoration is a Principle of living.
We will now talk about the condition for indemnification needed to rid ourselves of fallen natures that originated from the Fall.
Who were the main characters in The Fall? It was Adam, Eve, the archangel, Cain, and Abel. They were the main characters. In other words, we had the fallen Adam, Eve, and Satan, and then Cain and Abel who had to be restored.
The condition for indemnity that we must make to create a vertical foundation of faith centering on God is a vertical indemnity condition. The foundation of substance is the foundation that has to be made through the relationship between the children of Eve: Cain and Abel. To put it simply, the foundation of faith is the relationship between me and God, and the foundation of substance is the relationship between me and you; the relationship between Cain and Abel. It’s difficult to understand after reading just the Introduction to Restoration but the concept begins to seep into our brain when we enter the section on Adam’s family.
It is good to give a lecture on the Introduction to Restoration and then continue with Adam’s family. It’s difficult to get the feeling of what restoration is just by reading the Introduction, but we can know clearly what the foundation of faith, the foundation of substance, and the indemnity condition are that have to be made to rid ourselves of fallen nature. When we listen to a lecture on Adam’s family, we can have an idea about separating good and evil.
There are small discrepancies when we look at history, but Noah’s family came when Adam’s family failed, and Abraham’s family came when Noah’s family failed. Central families for the providence of restoration keep appearing as such, and we come to have a complete understanding of the foundation of faith, the foundation of substance, and indemnity condition by learning this process.
There is one thing I remember from what Father said in the morning of the day he went to Danbury. Even in such a serious moment, Father was worrying about us, and he said "You guys, serve Mother in my place and walk on the course of the Will of God. For that, each of you must unite with your leader. However, that’s difficult because you have fallen naturally. In such instances, pray to God repeatedly and tell Him what specific fallen nature you want gone from you."
I felt that jealousy was the strongest fallen nature I had. Trying to rid myself of jealousy first, I prayed to God for many months. In those prayers, I kept yelling "Jealousy Satan, get out! Jealousy Satan, get out!" Then one day in a dream, my chest burst open like a crate and Satan came jumping out from inside. With a painful groan
mixed with hints of resentment, Satan jumped out of my body, saying "I can t live inside you anymore because now you know my presence. I'm leaving your body!" I could not see the front side of Satan as he flew upward through the ceiling until he disappeared from my sight. In that moment, I was reminded of Father’s Words, "Satan does not reveal his identity."
I felt so light in the chest after Satan left my body. I was able to remain serene even in instances when I would have become jealous in the past.
Another situation happened when I was in America. The common understanding among the people at the time was that they must follow a vegetarian diet and stay away from meat consumption to gain good health. One night, a spirit that cooperates with me appeared in my dream and yelled at me, as if he had enough of what I was doing, "People have to eat meat from time to time!" Unlike the Satan that escaped my body, that cooperative spirit revealed his front side and he was so tall that his head was touching the ceiling.
After that dream, I realized that the spirit world has no spatial limit. I came to understand that spirits can resize their body to the size of the building in which they appear.
Father, determined to die as a martyr as he gives his Words
We must read Father’s Speech Book often. Do you know what benefit you can gain in your life of faith if you work in a ministerial position? You can’t avoid learning about Father’s Words because you must give a sermon every Sunday and lecture about the Principle to newcomers. When we realize it, this is a great benefit.
Your doctoral degree will not do you much good when you go to the spirit world.
However, if you are a pastor, you have to keep looking for Father’s Words because you must do your utmost to satisfy the members. Then how grateful should we be to Father who has given us his Words? Father has given us more than 400 volumes of books worth of Words and now we must delve ourselves into it.
Diligently reading Father’s Words means that I and others are living in the same time and space as he. What is the most precious thing one could gain from his pastoral position? It is a fact that he must read Father’s Words a lot and speak about Father’s Words a lot. Think about Father. What is Father’s purpose of coming on this Earth?
Father came to give the Words that were lost to humanity due to the fall. Was there
anyone in the history of mankind who spoke of God’s heart so precisely and so eloquently? There was not.
Since the human ancestors have lost the Words, Father had to find the Words through each stage from the position of a sacrificial offering. Father gives him these Words to use; his Words of the world of shimjeong, from the highest position. Also, Father’s Words are Words of re-creation.
As Father was born on this Earth with the body of a human and became completely one in heart with God, now no one can defeat Father’s Words and his ideal. Father told us that therefore sometime in the future, people will realize that the books in libraries are worthless and we should burn them all. After coming in contact with Father’s Words, I never read other books for many decades. I felt that other books were just not worth my time.
Some elder pastors try to improve their sermon skills by reading collections of books written by Christian pastors. They should not do that. Father hates this very much.
Also, we should not publish our sermon book. Father once became very angry at the news that someone published such a book. "What have you spoken that is worthy of such a collection?", he said. Father was angry because some pastors merely spoke a few words from Father’s Words and added their own words.
Father said it is OK however for family members to publish their collection of testimonies. Father wants us to continue reading His words, talk to other members about His Words, and live inside the Words.
Father once said that he wanted he die as a martyr after his legs failed while giving his Words to us. Father said that he can’t die as a normal person, lying comfortably in a bed.
I once cried a lot in my heart. It was the time of the blessing of 6,500 couples in the Ilhwa McCol Factory in Yongin. As I’ve said earlier, people who join the church after already marrying their spouse outside the church offer more devotion. About 250 such couples were coming to receive the blessing. Some wives had to persuade their husbands and some had to force their spouses to come.
I got word that these people would be arriving around 7 in the evening. After hearing this, Father said he would not eat until these people arrived Father kept speaking to the Korean couples who were getting blessed. However, it was 7 in the evening and they did not come.
Mother became worried and she told me to tell Father to eat dinner. I was reluctant, thinking I would be scolded by Father when I told him that. Then Mother told Eun Jin Nim, "Eun Jin. Go tell your Father." Then Eun Jin Nim carefully told Father, "Father, you should eat now." Father became angry suddenly and said "Is eating that important? Is sleeping that important?" In the end, we were only scolded and failed to serve Father his dinner. Father kept speaking until 5 in the morning of the next day when they finally arrived,
staying up all night. Father kept speaking without even sleeping. When the married Japanese couples to be blessed finally came, Father made them come to the room where he was giving the speech, made two families come onto the stage, gave a benediction, and then told the church president to lead the blessing ceremony instead.
I was in charge of giving pressure massages to Father at the time. I felt the need to get some sleep and I must have been sleeping in a corner of the lecture hall. Then Mother called for me suddenly, "Gil Ja! Come quickly!" I went to her in a hurry.
When I went to the room where my parents were, Father’s legs were so stiff that he could not even sit down with his legs bent. Father could not sit down naturally as a normal person could but fell on the floor sideways with a heavy thump. He was like an old tree falling to the ground.
There was a man named Mr. Yoon who was also there to give pressure massages to Father. He massaged Father’s upper body and I massaged Father’s legs. Father’s legs were so stiff and hard that it was very difficult to massage them. I wanted to cry my heart out but I had to hold back.
Father’s legs were so stiff as a log that it was almost impossible to massage them with my fingers. I knew it would be more painful but I had to massage them with my elbows. It was still difficult. I felt as if Father was going to die. Mother was also in a state of panic, not knowing what to do. Father’s entire body was solidified.
I felt a great sense of emergency. This had already happened before in America. On that day, Father spoke for 12 hours while standing. Father’s legs were almost paralyzed due to the arduous schedule of the tour but Father did not care.
Father slept on the bed together with Mother that night. While sleeping, Father woke up to go to the bathroom. Father’s study room was right outside his bedroom and he had to go through the study room to get to the bathroom. Father barely managed to go to the
study room and he fell to the floor when his legs became too stiff. He completely lost his senses in his legs. Father said that he thought ‘ O, I'm going to go to the spirit world like this.’ After some time had passed, Father emerged from unconsciousness and resolved to survive, thinking ‘ No, not yet. Not now.’ Father must have completely lost control of his limbs when he fell on the floor like that.
At this time, Father told his legs, "My legs! Please get up one more time. If you can get up and support my body, would you not come to heaven with me?" It was not only his legs that froze but it was his entire body. Father had to summon all of his strength and willpower to massage his own body to finally get the blood flowing. The situation was truly dire. I heard this story directly from Father.
Hearing such a story from Father before, I could not contain my shock and anxiety seeing Father in such a state. My shock and panic were one thing, but what do you think Mother had felt? Try and imagine. I cannot describe how scared I was. I wondered if Father’s heart had stopped but I felt so bad about putting my ear against his heart to check.
Massaging Father’s stiff body with Mr. Yoon, I wanted to cry my heart out but I couldn’t t. I couldn't cry in front of Father and Mother so I had to hold back my tears with all my strength. I remembered Father saying that he would die while speaking and I wondered if maybe this was the time when that would truly happen.
As exemplified by this story, Father’s body is a wreck. It’s easy for us to assume that Father is in good health because he is the Messiah and he is born with a special body. Unfortunately, that is not the case. We must understand that Father truly gives his Words to us even today with all his strength and might, even facing death.
Father once said that if he relaxes and begins to sleep, he will sleep for more than ten years.
Father could not even pray for Mother
There were many times my heart ached because of Mother’s brittle body. Mother began giving birth at a very young age. Mother also went through many Caesarian sections.
Because of that, Mother’s body has become very weak over the years. Mother even refuses the cool breeze from air conditioners during the summers. She avoids cold air because every joint in her body aches whenever she is hit by it.
Following his mission, Father worked very hard for the McCol factory which was in Yongin at the time. Mother was’ t even able to sleep soundly or eat properly to follow Father’s busy schedule. Mother had developed a stomach ulcer as a result of it and she suffered so much when she was in Alaska. It was obvious why her body became so weak.
In Alaska, Father used to leave the house around 5 in the morning, so breakfasts were served at around half past 4. Then every day, Mother said "I can’t eat!" and refused breakfast. She skipped breakfast and, at lunch on the boat out in the ocean, she was able to have a good lunch. However, she couldn’t eat dinner. They would leave the ocean around 10 pm. and return home around 11 pm. Dinner would be served then.
Mother was only able to eat lunch properly out of the three meals. Mother drank a cup of juice and a piece of rice cake as breakfast in order to follow Father’s schedule, but she wasn’t able to have a proper meal when she became hungry.
In the end, she developed a chronic stomach ulcer and her stomach would hurt very much when she became even a little hungry. She risks her life like this to follow Father’s schedule. When I see her remaining so beautiful, even after enduring so many hardships such as giving birth to True Children, I truly feel that heaven is protecting her.
Father of course is aware of Mother’s severe pain. Father once said this in the McCol factory in Yongin, Gyeongi province.
"I saved many lives with prayers. However, I can’t pray for Mother. I can’t pray for Mother if there is even one woman in this world shedding tears for whatever reason. As righteous women who are in the position of Mother’s daughters are still captivated in the darker corners of the Earth, Mother must share their suffering at least in one form. That is why Mother’s body must suffer. That is why I can’t pray for Mother even though I can completely relieve her of bodily pains with a simple prayer."
I felt so sorry and I didn’t know what do to when I realized that the most ideal form of a couple’s love, the love of True Parents, must rigidly follow the righteous path. I reminded myself of this whenever I had the chance in my long life, and I lost count of how many times I shed tears thinking about our poor Mother.
It is a sin to know such things and still fail to abide by them. It’s OK if we live normal lives without knowing these but I felt that serving True Parents from such a close distance can be very difficult in living a filial life. I carry a strong sense of guilt.
When I think about True Parents who are spearheading the providence with their lives on the line, I come to feel maybe we can think about such True Parents and endure our own hardships no matter how difficult things could become at some times. True Parents do this while heavily taxing their minds and bodies thinking it would be adequate even if they had to die as martyrs so that they could lead us to salvation.
Mrs. Gil Ja Sa Eu
